Christmas Dinner with 

Lovable Louise

by Jeff Foxworthy

Updated and edited November 26, 2019

 by A. Jane Chambers

NOTE:  This  excerpt is from comedian Jeff Foxworthy's 1996 autobiography No Shirt, No Shoes, No Problem, of which he said that no more than 50% of the material is lies. A brief biography of Foxworthy is at the end of this story. 

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My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What the hell is that?" she asked. Jake quickly said, "It's a doll." "Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped. I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. "Where are her clothes?" Granny continued. "Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran," Jake said, trying to steer her into the dining room. But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?" Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny! Hang on!"

My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I told him she was Jake's friend. A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.

The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed. Then suddenly Louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The dog howled. I snorted cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants, and Granny threw down her napkin, and stomped out of the room.

It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember. Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health, and she went on to star in several bachelor party movies. 

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JEFFREY MARSHALL FOXWORTHY (b. 1958 in Atlanta, GA) is a comedian, actor,  radio and TV personality (host of "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" and author of six comedy albums and a number of books based on his "You might be a redneck" one-liners. Jeff is also a member of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour that includes Larry the Cable Guy. Jeff and his wife Pamela Gregg, who have been married over 30 years, live on a farm in Georgia and have two grown daughters (source: Wikipedia).     

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We welcome your FEEDBACK. Send to

cncmemories61_71@yahoo.com

or david.spriggs @cox.net.

Published first on December 14, 2014.

Updated version published November 29, 2019,

with identity and photo of author, Jeff Foxworthy,

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Why Witches Eat Children 

and Other Witchy Beliefs

Revised, with Additional Material,

  October 2023 

by A. Jane Chambers

The two Halloween cards made in America in the early 1900s feature strikingly different witches: one ugly and old, the other beautiful and young —reflecting the ancient belief in both good and bad witches. The old witch,, obviously the evil one, is looking  longingly at the children inside--no doubt wishing to capture one for dinner. She is accompanied by dark nocturnal creatures, a black cat and a hovering bat, traditional symbols of evil. The belief that black cats are evil began in Europe in the Middle Ages, then came to early colonial America. Many people believed witches could avoid being caught by turning themselves into black cats. Similarly, it was believed that vampires could escape detection by turning themselves into blood-sucking bats, as depicted in Bram Stoker's 1897 Dracula novel. 

The good witch, on the other card, is accompanied by an owl, which can represent, depending on the context,  either good or evil. Primarily, however, the owl, the favorite bird of Athena, the Greek goddess of wisdom, has for eons symbolized wisdom. It is also a reminder that witches were originally prophets — seers like the  blind man Tiresias and the woman Cassandra in Greek mythology; astrologers like the wizard Merlin, in Arthurian legends, who studied the heavens and could foresee the future. They could cast spells for good or ill, and were both revered and feared. The large smiling moon and shooting star, a traditional good luck sign, add to the positive tone of the Good Witch card. 

Witches and Water

In the evil witch card, the children bobbing for apples are protected from the witch outside by the tub of water.  One very old belief about witches and other evil beings is that water can literally kill them. Remember how the Wicked Witch of the West died in the 1939 movie The Wizard of Oz? She melted away when Dorothy threw some water on her.  (I played that witch role in high school and well remember the scene in which I "melted.") Unfortunately, the 1939 movie popularized the historically false idea that wicked witches were green and dressed totally in black. The movie also had a Good Witch, however, Glenda, who helped Dorothy return home.

Another belief about witches and water, common from Medieval times into the 18^th century, was that throwing or ducking someone accused of witchcraft into a body of water was a definite way of determining guilt or innocence, because water, used for baptism and spiritual purification, rejects evil beings.  If guilty, the person floated, was rescued, jailed and/or killed; if innocent, the person sank (and usually drowned). It was a Lose-Lose situation. 

Such an actual test by water occurred in 1706 in part of what was later Virginia Beach. Grace White Sherwood (born ca. 1660), a widow of about 47, was bound hands to feet and thrown ("ducked") from a boat into the Lynnhaven River.  Fortunately, she was able to stay afloat and pulled back into the boat.  She was jailed for eight years for witchcraft. It was the only time in Virginia that a trial by ducking occurred. The full account is in my article What's in a Name? Witchduck Road and the "Witch of Pungo," located on this website in the tab Archives, subtab This-N-That. The marker shown below and a statue are now on the "Witch Duck" site.

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1.  NOVEMBER 4 (SATURDAY)--ANNUAL FALL LUNCHEON at CNU: SAVE THE DATE! INVITATIONS will be emailed soon! To register officially, follow CNU's  INVITATION directions. PLEASE REPLY BY DEADLINE. A  PLANNING TO ATTEND LIST will be posted on this website in OCTOBER. 

2.  HONORING "CECY" CUNNINGHAM: We honored our first CNC president, "Scotty" Cunningham, by dedicating our Memories book to him, plus putting over $10,000 into the scholarship fund in his name, and later, encouraging CNU to name its Student Center after him. From 2007 onward, his widow regularly traveled from Maryland to our campus to attend every First Decaders event  she could, including 50th reunions, as long as she could, even into her nineties, and in 2014, along with her daughter and son-in-law, she came with many boxes of "Scotty's" memorabilia to donate to CNU.  On August 31, "Cecy" died, at age 98.  The family requests donations to the Cunningham Scholarship. Do we want to do more to honor her dedication to our university? Send your suggestions to First Decaders chair dave.spriggs@cox.net.

Here's the link to Cecy's obituary: https://www.legacy.com/us/obituaries/dailypress/...

3. MAY 12TH (FRIDAY) 50th Reunion, CLASS OF 1973: SAVE THE DATE! INVITATIONS will be emailed by CNU. To register officially, follow CNU's  INVITATION directions. PLEASE REPLY BY DEADLINE. A  PLANNING TO ATTEND LIST will be posted on this website in APRIL. 

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A. J. Jelonek ('15) and A. J. Chambers Surprised by Awards at CNU's 2023 Ceremony

by A. Jane Chambers

The photo above shows the CNU Alumni Society's 2023 winners of awards posing with their awards on the porch of Klich Alumni House on August 11. Andrew (A. J) Jelonek ('15) is 4th from the left, next to CNU's new president, retired Rear Admiral Kelly, in the light blue jacket. Unless otherwise atated, all photos in this article were made by Alumni Relations staff.  

A. J. Jelonek's Surprises

A. J. Jelonek's first surprise was that he got the Chambers award for volunteer service. Recently he wrote to me that his best CNU friend, classmate Zenith Haas ('15), had told him she nominated him for one of the other awards, so he was not surprised to get the invitation, believing all nominees were invited.  His note concluded: "With the awards that Friday, and President Kelly’s inauguration that Monday, ... it was an opportune moment to make it a Hampton Roads weekend and visit some friends in the area I hadn’t seen in a while. And what a way for the awards to kick off that weekend! Wow. That was truly a surprise and an honor." Notice the slightly self-conscious look on his face in this photo as he began his walk to the podium to accept his award.  His second surprise was learning the award included $1000, from me. I recently endowed the award.

The day after receiving his award, A. J. posted the above photo of it (L) on Facebook and wrote: "Still processing last night. Finally met the amazing Jane Chambers in person (we've been messaging each other for almost a decade now!) and then [found] out I won the CNU Alumni Society award named after her, AND was nominated by her! What a whirlwind, what an incredible honor, what a night" . The other picture (R) shows Alumni Society Board of Directors member Kelsey Fleshman (14) admiring A.J.'s award. 

I met A. J. Jelonek via Facebook his senior year at CNU, 2015, when I learned he was creating a mural inside a part of the Ferguson High School building still being used by Ferguson Center. He let me feature his work in an article which I published July 31, 2015  on our CNC website. Having completed his B.A. in theater in May, A.J. had returned to northern Virginia and was pursuing a career in theater, but still writing about Ferguson school's history and CNU's history and traveling to CNU to take pictures for articles published on our CNC website and/or on his history blog--including the Walker House site (now Alumni House site), the new Fine Arts Center construction, and the Ferguson Center's Colonnade Extension.

This past September A. J. completed a 3-year project titled The Architectural Ages of Christopher Newport University. In five parts (plus introduction and conclusion), it is filled with photographs and detailed  information and is posted on his History Scout blog.  His first full-time position in theater was as Venue Coordinator at the prestigious John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts in Washington, D.C. Currently he is the Executive Office Assistant to the Chief Operating Officer at Wolf Trap Foundation, a National Park specifically devoted to the Performing Arts. "My role there is very much a 9-to-5 desk job," he wrote, " but I’ve found in it a work-life balance I haven’t had in a long while." 

After all the awards were given, CNU's President Kelly went to the podium and began talking about something called "Challenge Coins" (photos above, by Jackie Lyle).  I must confess I was not listening very closely because I was getting a bit tired and hungry by that time . I have since consulted Wikipedia, which gives a full history of these coins, which possibly date back to ancient Roman military awards for exceptional valor in war. They now are given in numerous groups ranging from police and fire departments to sports teams and organizations of all sorts. 

Wikipedia states these coins now "are also used as rewards or awards for outstanding service or performance of duty. As such, they are used as a tool to build morale. Coins given as awards for accomplishments are normally given to the recipient during a handshake, passing from the right hand of the giver to the right hand of the awardee. It is also normal for the giver to offer a brief explanation of the reason for awarding the coin." The above photo shows President Kelly giving me the coin in this manner. I was so stunned that I just sat there, mouth agape, not even hearing what he was saying. I had assumed he had been talking about someone like Baxter Vendrick, CNU's Senior Director of Alumni Engagement, not me. When the clapping stopped, I was still silent, at which point Baxter said, "I've known Dr. Chambers for nine years, and this is the first time I've seen her speechless." 

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We welcome your FEEDBACK. Send to

cncmemories61_71@yahoo.com

or dave.spriggs@cox.net

Published October 23, 2023

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If you took or taught classes at CNC between 1964 and 1968, you probably remember the ordeal of being in Newport Hall or Gosnold Hall on hot, sticky days when neither classroom building was air conditioned.  Both were designed for air conditioning, but not funded for it for several years. How did we faculty and students survive the often overwhelming and humid heat on the Shoe Lane campus in those years, especially in summer classes?

Glued inside each 1965 CNC yearbook, the Trident, was a copy of this color photo of Christopher Newport Hall--the only picture thus far located showing all of the exterior of that first building on the Shoe Lane campus.  Notice that the two separate one-story units on the front had some tall, very narrow louvered windows which opened outward.  When cranked straight out, these provided some small relief from the heat, especially on breezy days, for those using the first campus library (left) and/or the lecture hall (right).

Less fortunate were the people using the offices and classrooms in the two-story unit of Newport Hall. The only windows that opened there were the small rectangular transoms below the fixed windows visible in the above Trident photo. Located in all the offices and classrooms, these transoms  were essentially useless, because they opened only a few inches. Even worse, there were no shades, blinds, or curtains on most windows to block the sun's heat.

The one area on Newport's first floor that was air conditioned from the beginning was the Computer Center, because, unlike humans, the computers could not tolerate any humidity at all. On extremely hot days, especially during summer sessions, Professor Graham Pillow  had more visitors than usual in that Computer Center because some faculty and staff, including me, would create excuses for stopping by there to cool off for a bit. The photo on the right, from the 1969 Trident, shows Graham using the center's now obsolete hole punching machine.

Hotter than the first floor was, of course, the second floor, which housed faculty offices and classrooms. During one summer class meeting, English Professor Barry Wood  placed a thermometer on a patch of shade on his classroom floor, and it quickly read over 100 degrees!

Like Newport Hall, Gosnold Hall (1966 Trident photo above), completed in September of 1965, also had no air conditioning--plus the same style windows as Newport. In his Memories book essay "Marine Biologist Finds CNC His Perfect Port," Professor Ron Mollick (1971 Trident photo left), a San Diego native who joined CNC's Biology Department in the fall of 1968, wrote that initially he thought that his office in Gosnold was "uncomfortably hot" because of  "malfunctioning air conditioning equipment," but , he added: "I soon learned that most buildings on campus were not air-conditioned! I immediately purchased a great big box fan that I placed at my door. It blew a gale and required that I weigh down every paper on my desk" (p. 57). 

Seldom Known Facts about

Our Pledge of Allegiance:

Part 2

by A. Jane Chambers

Revised September 2023

The Pledges' Role in Restoring and Assuring Unity

The Great Seal (photo above), the official coat of arms of the United States, has been used since 1782 to authenticate documents of our federal government.  Its theme is the Latin motto E PLURIBUS UNUM  ("from many, one," or "out of many, one"). Its13 stripes, 13 stars, 13 arrows (symbolizing war) , and 13 olive branch leaves  (representing peace) are reminders of the Revolutionary War, our first flag, and the 13 colonies ("the many") that united to form "the one" nation: appropriately named the United States of America. 

A major shift in the immigrant pool in the latter 19th century increased the importance of the pledge of allegiance.  When Balch wrote his pledge, 1887, there were 38 states in our nation; five years later, when Bellamy wrote his, there were 44 states. The "many" making the "one" was rapidly growing and changing--not only the number of states, but the makeup of the nation's citizenry, adding an additional meaning to the motto E Pluribus Unum. In Colonial times, immigrants to "the New World" were primarily English-speaking Protestants from the United Kingdom. In the latter 19th century,  immigrants were largely from a variety of  European nations and were predominantly Roman Catholic. America was quickly becoming "the Melting Pot." 

The photo above, taken in New York City in 1890, shows a classroom of Italian children reciting the Balch pledge. Because Balch worked for the city's Board of Education, his 1887 pledge was immediately required in all public schools in the city. The motivation behind requiring all American children--especially immigrant children--to recite the pledge daily was to assure their loyalty to our nation, whether or not it was their native land.

History of the Bellamy Pledge from 1923 to 1943

In the opening years of the 20th the Balch pledge steadily lost ground to the more popular Bellamy pledge, which quickly became the official pledge, although not yet officially adopted by Congress. The chart to the right summarizes changes to the pledge, only one of which was made by Bellamy, who died in 1931. He added only one word ("to"), for balanced syntax.  In June of 1923, the first National Flag Conference was held in Washington, D.C. to draw up rules for civilian flag use. During that year, and the following one, the words "the Flag of the United States" and then "of America" were added, primarily to assure the loyalty of immigrants.

Two decades later, during World War 2, four major events occurred in the pledge's history, all in the early 1940s.  First, on June 22, 1942 Bellamy's pledge was formally adopted by Congress as our flag pledge; next, on December 22, 1942, the Bellamy salute (see Part 1 of this article), which had become in Germany the Nazi Party salute, was removed from the pledge and replaced by the hand over heart gesture. Third, In 1945  the official name The Pledge of Allegiance was adopted by Congress.

And fourth, In 1943, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the Free Speech Clause of the First Amendment protects students from being forced to salute the American flag or say the Pledge of Allegiance in public schools. Some states--Hawaii, Iowa, Vermont and Wyoming--have never required that the pledge be recited in schools. Also, as of 2007, there are no pledge laws or statutes listed for Oregon, Nebraska, the District of Columbia, the Virgin Islands, or Puerto Rico.

1954: The Addition of "Under God"

Baptist minister Francis Bellamy, a strong supporter of our Founders' belief in Separation of Church and State, did not include God in his patriotic pledge. The first person to propose changing that was Louis A. Bowman, chaplain of the Illinois Society of Sons of the American Revolution, who argued in 1948 that because President Lincoln used "under God" in his Gettysburg Address, it should be added to the Pledge. The DAR gave him an award. In 1952, the Catholic fraternal service organization the Knights of Columbus officially added "under God" after "one nation" to its recitation of the Pledge and urged Congress to make this change official. Initial Congressional attempts to do so failed however  (Wikipedia). 

On February 7, 1954,  President Eisenhower, recently baptized a Presbyterian, honored President Abraham Lincoln's birthday by attending Lincoln's church, the New York Avenue Presbyterian Church.  Sitting in Lincoln's pew, Eisenhower was deeply moved by the sermon delivered by pastor George MacPherson Docherty, which was based on the Gettysburg Address. Docherty argued that "under God" should be included in the Pledge because that was what defined our nation and set us apart. The two men (photo left) had a conversation after the service, and the next day Representative Charles Oakman (R-Mich.) introduced such a Pledge bill in Congress and it passed (Wikipedia).

Personal knowledge, general knowledge,  internet photographs, and Wikipedia. 

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Humor: Winter

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